7 years


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 16 years ago in the high school screen printing class, I had no idea that the guy trying to look down my overalls would eventually be my husband. 7 years of marriage and 2 kids later, here we are.  We've packed more adventures into these past 16 years than most people will ever experience. 

We've made a home in 5 cities (6 if you count our 2 month hotel stay) in our 7 years of marriage.  We've visited countless new cities and vacationed all over the country together.  We've experienced the pure elation of helping new life enter the world and the depth of unimaginable grief together.

Our story hasn't always been perfect, and it hasn't always been easy but it's our story.

We're a family.

7 years. 

Beach days


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Hello from the Outer Banks, North Carolina. If you thought that I'm not blogging because I am thoroughly enjoying myself on vacation, you'd be right. 


Follow along on Instagram here Instagram.com/handlingwgrace 

The light is never a train


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The surgery is over.  My boy is fine.  He's running around giggling. 
There's only 3 more days until my husband is done with his program so he'll be able to be home again. 

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

It's right there.  I can see the relief.  I can feel the relief.  I am breathing in the calmness.  

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

It's surgery time again


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{Nate's first selfies}
I've mentioned that I've been stressed for the past few weeks for a whole host of reasons but there's one reason that I haven't mentioned.

Nate is having surgery (again) tomorrow.  He is having tubes put in his ears to alleviate the fluid backup pressure.

Yes, I know this is a very common procedure.  Yes, I know there is very little down time and little risk.  Yes, I know that he'll feel so much better.  Yes, I know that this is considered "nothing" compared to his last surgery... Let me reassure you that this does little to ease my Momma heart.  My tiny boy is being put "under" (abeit "just" the gas and not full anesthesia this time) for the second time this summer and I'm worried and I'm stressed.

There are concerns about his ability to hear and he had testing done yesterday with less than normal results.  He will be tested again a few weeks after the surgery and hopefully the fluid pressure behind the ear drum is the reason that he isn't able to hear normally.  They can't say that it is the cause of the diminished hearing but we are all crossing our fingers.

I counted up how many doctor appointments I've been to from July 1st through yesterday... 21. Twenty one doctor visits in 2 months and a week. Between his surgery consults, follow ups, specialists, and vaccinations appointments, we have seen doctors and specialists twenty one times in the past two months.  You should see him at the doctor office.  He's a total pro.  He sits like a statue as they poke and prod in his ears and nose and listen to his chest and belly.  He has the routine down pat.  I'm ready for my little boy to get a break from getting poked and prodded.

I'm excited to get the procedure over with so he can have some relief.  The specialists can't believe that he is generally asymptomatic (few infections, no crankiness, no fevers), beyond the diminished hearing considering the level of pressure they tested at the eardrum.  But being excited for his potential relief does not do much to quell my anxiety.

I'm worried about him.  It's my job.  I'm his Mom.

I'll post a follow up via Instagram tomorrow.  Here's my Instagram Instagram.com/handlingwgrace

This guy wins the internet today


I have no idea if this is a true story or not but, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. The sweetness of the story and the picture holds true, regardless.
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But, then the first comment.

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I literally spit my coffee out all over the carpet in front of me.

That guy wins the internet today. 

Where I'm at


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Currently I am...
drinking my morning coffee on the couch... The calm before the day's storm.

thinking that today is going to be a long day. We have three doctor appointments today to attend.

hoping that the baby's cold that he woke up with this morning isn't going to affect his surgery on Friday (more on that tomorrow)

reading... Nothing. We need to make another library visit tomorrow hopefully.

thankful for my kids smiling faces. They're wrestling on the ground at my feet and giggling while screeching "Tickle! Tickle! Tickle".  Pure joy.

dreaming of time alone. I just want to get my hair done. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded  that I look like a homeless person.

looking forward to our vacation in T minus 10 days. Outer banks North Carolina, here we come.

missing my sisters. I hate not having my sisters around. I miss their babies. I hate that I don't know them.  Like really know them.

excited about the dress I bought for the husbands graduation next week.  It's so cute and I bought a matching-ish one for Eva. Apparently now I'm "that Mom"- the one who wears matching clothes with her four year old.  I can't help it. They're so cute.

Lets get this week going!

Stressed and blessed


Do you ever wake up and just feel... Overwhelmed?  There's no specific reason for my stress this morning but just an accumulation of everything we have going on.  I'm just feeling blah.  I'm sick and tired of solo parenting. I'm sick and tired of my husband being gone. I'm sick and tired of my kid being sick and requiring scary medical procedures.  I'm sick and tired of feeling disappointed with certain relationships in my life.  I'm sick and tired of the Mom routine of cleaning, cooking, wiping butts, and breaking up fights over and over and over.

I feel like I need time by myself.  I need a new hobby or something- something that is mine.  I need a couple hours to get my hair done. My roots are so long and my hair feels like straw but I don't have anyone to help me get a break.

So, now that I've been a lame complainer, I need to get back to being grateful for all that I have.
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my babies, my health, my home, husbands job, education, Bravo, AC, giggles coming from the playroom, pantries/fridge filled with food, sisters who put up with my crazy, cottage cheese, not having to stress about money, my iPhone, friends who are family, doctors who I trust, thick hair, podcasts, being a stay at home Mom, sunglasses, clean clothes, safe food and water, the access to information that the Internet provides, social butterfly kids, parks, Kingston's patience, pillows, my daily planner, dresses, Cabernet, health insurance, coffee, a reliable vehicle, not being saddled with student loan debt, fake perky boobs, second chances, cute Internet animal videos that brighten my whole afternoon, DVR, nieces and nephews, a happy childhood, decent teeth, sparkly jewels, gyms with child care, Coke Zero, waking up with the ability to be a better Momma than I was yesterday
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