The Holiday Blues

12.23.2012

This Christmas season has been filled with joy.  My Eva is finally old enough to be excited about the tree, looking forward to Santa coming to the house, and helping me bake cookies for the neighbors.  She doesn't care about presents at all and really has no concept of presents coming for Christmas but we went totally overboard  anyways.  I am filled with anticipation of watching her delight in them!

There is a darker side of this holiday season.  I am lonely.  Military life is not easy.  It is hard to be separated from family at Christmas time.  I miss my Mom.  I wish she was around to celebrate the holidays with all of us.  Its hard to not get sucked into self-pity.  We are succeeding at making traditions on our own but it is not the same.  I know that Eva is missing out.  I am missing out.  

We have been living in Maryland for just about a year now.  I have made a handful of friends.  It's not like Hawaii, though, where the friends we had were family.  I feel like I reach out a lot here and it just isn't reciprocated.  During the normal hustle and bustle of the work week, it doesn't bother me much but here in the shadow of the holiday blues, it is tougher.  I miss having a core group of family and friends around.  I miss having a strong network of people who I can spend time with and know that I can depend on.

I am thankful that Eva is so wonderful to be around right now.  She is in the best stage yet.  She is giggly and sweet and hardly ever unhappy.  It is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are being smothered by two and a half year old lovins.

This is a pretty crappy Christmas post but this is my truth.  The holidays are hard for a lot of people.  Many military families are spending this holiday alone.  Grief is magnified, loneliness is more evident, and depression creeps in.  Sometimes, even when things are good, they're hard.  Merry Chrristmas to all of us.

Whether you're surrounded by friends and family or struggling to make memories on your own, Merry Christmas.

20 comments:

  1. Hugs my friend!!! I know how you are feeling, it is hard to be away from family. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

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  2. I could have written the same post! Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom passed away. This is my first Christmas not visiting family and friends. All our friends here left for the holidays so it is very quiet and lonely. I know it is something I have to get used to, but it is a downer.

    I hope you and your family have a great Christmas!

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  3. Merry Christmas Jamie!! This is my 10th Christmas without family. It never gets easier :(

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  4. Oh sweet girl, I wish I could give you a big hug. This post broke my heart, and yet sometimes these are the best posts because your emotions are so strong. I wish you nothing but the most amazing Christmas and delight in all of the little joys with Eva. Know that your mom is smiling down on all of this :)

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  5. Being away from family is really hard especially during the holidays. I hope that you guys get to do some skyping or something fun so you can be included!

    (hugs)

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  6. Sorry to hear that :( But you are not alone! I was just about to write a post about the not-so-great holidays this year :)

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  7. Sorry about the christmas blues! I'm glad you have a little one that will help make it better. Merry Christmas! ;-)
    Jamie
    http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

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  8. Sorry to hear that you are feeling down this Christmas :( I hope you are able to make the best of it though and enjoy some quality time with your precious little family. Merry Christmas Jamie!

    -kelly
    sweettea-lemonade.blogspot.com

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  9. Aww sorry that your having a hard time. Can't imagine what's it's like celebrating without the family but I hope that in the end you and Eva have some great memories. Merry Christmas!

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  10. Oh sweet sweet friend, I'm sending you a hug.

    I know I'm in a different stage of life right now, but I'm pretty close to you and would love to reach out and hang with you and sweet baby girl.

    Let's make some plans for 2013?!?!?!

    BIG HUG and <3

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  11. I'm so sorry - it always kinda blows my mind how hard the holidays can be, when they're supposed to be such a joyous time. Focus on helping Eva see how magical this time is, and try to live vicariously through her! We may never get to experience the holidays again with the innocence of a child's mind, but we can at least pretend for a bit to help get us through :)

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  12. Merry Christmas! Hugs to you. I hope you and Eva and your husband have a great Christmas!!!!

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  13. *hugs* Well you have all of us wishing you a wonderful holiday. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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  14. I know how that goes.. first Christmas here without family. :( I'm not sure I am ready.. but regardless.. it's coming. Merry Christmas to your cute little family! I hope your day is as merry as it can be!

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  15. I am sorry for your blues....and I thank your family for your service...we pray every single night for our troops and their families...if you close your eyes and be still you will feel the peace and power of those prayers for you.

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  16. Sorry you are missing friends and family this holiday season. :( I hope you have as good of a Christmas as possible!!

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  17. Oh sweet girl I just wanna hug you right now & say its gonna be ok hang in there. I know its not as good as it could be but at least you have a sweet little girl to help make it better & a hubby whom loves you dearly... I hope you can somewhat enjoy the holiday season!

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  18. I was thinking of you and your families (the one in MD and the one in CA) while I decided what to do about Christmas this year.

    Last year I "missed" Christmas because a serious of personal and weather failures conspired to keep me in NM studying. This year, I just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening for different reasons - we lost my older brother 3 months ago.

    We decided by an odd set of coincidences to gather with my little sister in NV rather than meet at my parents' house in CA. On the one hand, it was hard not to be in CA, but it was good to be honoring old traditions while making new ones in a new place.

    I just wanted to thank you for sharing the story of your grief. My heart breaks for you whenever I read about it, but, now it is a tangible comfort just to know that there are others out there who know this heartache -- and survive.

    Wishing you a lovely new year!

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I love to hear your thoughts! XOXO

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