This Christmas season has been filled with joy. My Eva is finally old enough to be excited about the tree, looking forward to Santa coming to the house, and helping me bake cookies for the neighbors. She doesn't care about presents at all and really has no concept of presents coming for Christmas but we went totally overboard anyways. I am filled with anticipation of watching her delight in them!
There is a darker side of this holiday season. I am lonely. Military life is not easy. It is hard to be separated from family at Christmas time. I miss my Mom. I wish she was around to celebrate the holidays with all of us. Its hard to not get sucked into self-pity. We are succeeding at making traditions on our own but it is not the same. I know that Eva is missing out. I am missing out.
We have been living in Maryland for just about a year now. I have made a handful of friends. It's not like Hawaii, though, where the friends we had were family. I feel like I reach out a lot here and it just isn't reciprocated. During the normal hustle and bustle of the work week, it doesn't bother me much but here in the shadow of the holiday blues, it is tougher. I miss having a core group of family and friends around. I miss having a strong network of people who I can spend time with and know that I can depend on.
I am thankful that Eva is so wonderful to be around right now. She is in the best stage yet. She is giggly and sweet and hardly ever unhappy. It is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are being smothered by two and a half year old lovins.
This is a pretty crappy Christmas post but this is my truth. The holidays are hard for a lot of people. Many military families are spending this holiday alone. Grief is magnified, loneliness is more evident, and depression creeps in. Sometimes, even when things are good, they're hard. Merry Chrristmas to all of us.
Whether you're surrounded by friends and family or struggling to make memories on your own, Merry Christmas.