Why can't she obsess over lip gloss AND be smart?

6.11.2014

I receive a bit of hate here on this site from everyone's favorite internet friend, "Anonymous" for the way that I raise four year old Eva.  This person enjoys repeatedly commenting that I am a crappy Mom for allowing, perhaps encouraging but certainly not dissuading, Eva in partaking in my primping routines.  She comments that by allowing Eva to primp with me in the mornings and before we leave for parties and other occasions, I am teaching her that her only self worth is that which is wrapped up in her physical appearance.

Have we moved so far towards feminism and womens lib that we aren't allowed to desire femininity?  She can't be a strong, independent, smart, well-adjusted child and also think that lipstick, tutus, and purses are the shizz?  She can't beg for sparkles in her hair every morning and also shoot her pellet gun in the back yard and ride her go-kart after she completes her school workbooks?

My desire, for my daughter, is not to teach her that she should ignore her innate inclination towards being girl-girly.  My desire, for my daughter, is to teach her that she can do and be anybody that she wants to be.

I want her to love deeply and be loved even deeper.  Whether she loves a man or a woman, I hope that she finds a partner who allows her to be the person that she wants to be.  I hope she goes to school and finds the career that she wants- whether that means that she is a nuclear physicist or a Mommy, or both!  If she wants to get a Masters degree and then stay at home to wipe baby butts, like I did, I hope she does that.  If she wants to go to medical school and then adopt babies at 40, I hope she does that.  I hope that she learns by example to keep her body healthy and strong and physically fit.  Not because your'e just a sex object for a partner but because you feel better in your skin when your body is fit.

Why shouldn't I allow her to apply a bit of eye shadow and lip gloss in the morning mirror with me as her brother naps?  Should I throw her in front of the TV instead and take advantage of this "me" time?  Should I shame or punish her for wanting to spend this special time with me and her aspiration towards being "like Mommy"?  Or should I allow her to put some make up on while we dance to Pandora and discuss the day's plans, like we do every day?

Obviously, I put my foot down about certain primping acts.  I make sure she takes some make up off if she is too heavy handed, she doesn't wear tummy baring shirts or high heels outside of the house.  I am not allowing her to pierce her ears until she is old enough to take care of them.  I certainly don't pluck her eyebrows or allow her to shave her legs (despite her trying sneak my razor a time or two).  It is not that I allow her to partake in every single act that I do in the bathroom; I just monitor and manage what I believe is her innate inclination towards copying me.

Why can't she love lip gloss and also be a well-adjusted child who grows up to be President of the United States (if she so desires)?


 Find me on twitterfacebook, and instagram (handlingwgrace)
Follow Handling With Grace on Bloglovin here

41 comments:

  1. I love this! I am only a recent follower, but as a mother of a daughter, I completely agree! If your daughter loves lip gloss, let her play with it! If they hate it, that's fine too! I think its worse to shield them from watching you get ready, it'll only make her want to do it in the future behind your back. At least now you can monitor it, and I am sure it makes a closer relationship for the both of you! Don't let anyone else tell you how to raise your child!

    ReplyDelete
  2. very well said.

    i hate anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I absolutely love this post and am with you 100%!!! and its pretty sad people have to anonymously hide behind the computer and constantly tell us how bad of parents we are!!! Cowards!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love this post. I don't understand why it had to be either or. It should not be that way. People need to stop seeing things in black and white. There is LOTS of gray.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amen and Amen! Anonymous needs a hug...and some make up too.

    I think it's wonderful that Eva wants to be like mommy. We got to use play make up all the time, we just couldn't wear it out of the house until we were older. But we'd have makeup on our faces while playing soccer in the backyard.

    You are an amazing mom and I know Eva will remember and treasure these moments as she grows.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Isn't it funny how anonymity allows anyone to become the greatest critic of anything, ever? Also funny how people feel the right to judge when they only know a small fraction of your reality. Anyway, I love this post and couldn't agree with you more.

    ReplyDelete
  7. She can... it's called being well-rounded :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can't tell you how much I love this post. Why have we moved towards such a strong feminist viewpoint? Why do so many people feel like little girls can't have fun with pink, ruffles, tutus, dresses and makeup? Isn't that what we did when we were young? I'm fairly certain we turned out just fine.
    Kudos to you for raising well-rounded children.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I couldn't agree with you more! I think part of feminism needs to be letting women be whatever they want-even if that's not your own particular brand of woman! Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this post. I love teaching my little girl that it is okay to dress up and put on makeup. There are so many people out there that preach a mom should be this run down, frumpy, unkempt person because if you do manage to shower everyday, put on make, and something other than yoga pants then you aren't taking care of your kids. Instead, I am teaching her that you can be both a good mom and find time to take care of yourself as well. Good work!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm not that Anonymous....

    My son loves putting "product" in his hair. Almost every night when he brushes his teeth he does his hair by putting water on it & messing it up. Why shouldn't he have fun & feel good. (He also LOVES ponytails, but his hair is usually too short for them).

    I think that learning to take care of yourself & feel good about yourself should be encouraged - however kids want to express that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love this!! I'm trying to get rid of gender rolls in our house and teach the girls (well mostly Emma right now since Maddie is too young) that there are no "boy things" and "girl things" and same for marriage equality, everyone loves who they love is one of Emma's favorite things to say. You wanna go play trucks in the dirt? Go for it. You want me to curl your hair and play dress up? Go for it.
    You are doing nothing wrong.
    Now if you were forcing her to do her hair and make up before leaving the house then yes, that's wrong but we all know you are NOT doing that.

    Also, I have the same stance on ear piercing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hate it when people leave ignorant, narrow-minded comments like that, and I totally agree with your standpoint on this issue.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Something tells me that "anonymous" won't be commenting on this post! Good for you Jamie.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If Anonymous had balls they wouldn't be anonymous.

    Women are so freaking hard on each other about what they should and shouldn't be doing. But I think it's common sense to teach our girls that they can excel at lipstick application and thesis writing, that they can find the cure to cancer wearing pants or a dress, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's really sad and pathetic that people have to hide behind a computer and post anonymously to criticize others. S/he must not have a very fulfilling life...negativity like that just blows my mind...trolling trolls.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hit publish too soon...none of these skills are mutually exclusive. You don't need to ignore or shun girly or feminine things in order to succeed in life or to have self worth. My self worth has nothing to do with my appearance, but that doesn't mean I don't like lipstick, mascara, and pretty dresses.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous commenters (like that) are so lame. Don't hide behind the internet to spew your opinions no one cares about. You are an awesome mom!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I have a few people in my life who aren't anonymous that tell me things like that with Nora - like how could you let a two year old wear lipstick and eyeshadow for her dance recital?? Well, because she asked to, and so what? I enjoy wearing makeup - does that make me an idiot? NOPE. I agree with some of the people above - Moms need to support each other, not bash on them, especially not hiding behind a computer screen. I'm glad you spend time with your daughter, that's awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. COME ON ANONYMOUS, I want to hear what your retort is on this post :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amen. It's no ones business anyway!! People are so rude and cowardly behind their computer screens and smartphones. Screw them.

    ReplyDelete
  22. oh geesh people need to get a life! she only wants to do what she sees her mom doing and learns by doing and i bet anonymous doesn't even have children. i wish people would keep their mouth shut and not dish out parenting advice, you and your husband are raising her in the manner you choose so people need to butt out

    ReplyDelete
  23. She is going to grow up to be amazing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think you are doing a FANTASTIC job as a mom. Don't all girls try to be just like their mom? if you allow her to do this and are open with her she will grow up to be open with you. She will feel more comfortable allowing you into her life. Less secrets!. Who cares what anyone says, you're a great mother, no matter what anyone says!

    ReplyDelete
  25. So very well said!! So not a fan of negative comments on people's blogs..get a life!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Great post.

    I HATE anonymous comments. Have the balls to sign your name. I've received some rude comments and I'm like, "Okay, stop being a coward and tell me who you are..."

    ReplyDelete
  27. YES!!! I agree 200%! Let Eva be a little girl and play in mommy's makeup if she wants to!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I saw they are only kids and little people once so let them be little for heavens sake. Its not going to crush their world only help them grown and become the wonderful people and grown children that parents so much long for their children to be. I know its hard as it would be if I was the one that the Anonymous commenter was talking to but try not to let it get to you. Keep doing what your doing because clearly your doing something right!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think that sounds just fine! Let her be who she is and enjoy what she likes! She's a child. I wouldn't give those negative comments a second thought!

    ReplyDelete
  30. LOVE this! Way to go momma! Some of my favorite times with my four year old daughter are when she helps me get ready in the mornings. She loves when I share my make-up with her, and I love the memories that we make.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Amen! You are her momma.. and nobody should make you feel bad for making the choices you do for your family. So they can hide behind their computer and judge... unfortunately that also means they are probably passing judgement on to their children.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Haters gonna hate. Don't let it get under your skin!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Seriously, whoever is bashing you is a HATER. I did all those things with my mom because I am girly, my sister didn't because she's not. We both went to college, we both have full time jobs, we both are happily married and SHOCKER one of us played with makeup and guess what I, the one who did, am closer with my mom than my sister is so you definitely bond and enjoy mom daughter time. Tell that HATER to shut it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I LOVE this post. You are so right! Why can't she have fun being a girly-girl and be smart at the same time?

    ReplyDelete
  35. This was so beautifully written. You are raising one beautiful, intelligent and perfect little girl!

    ReplyDelete
  36. She is YOUR child, and it is up to YOU how you raise her. I played with makeup with my mom when I was younger, I just wasn't allowed to wear it out of the house. Either way, it didn't have a single effect on how I turned out! You are beautiful without makeup, and she sees that too. She will grow up knowing that you can be beautiful with or without it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  37. What a silly thing to throw hate for! I think it's sweet and fun that you do that with her. I love putting on a little gloss or shadow on my sisters while I get ready. It makes us all feel extra girly and fancy...like Fancy Nancy...except not as much glitter.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Very well said! I agree 150%!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear your thoughts! XOXO

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...